Abstinence period

Sex is the natural biological need of the human body, the same as breathing, food, and sleep. However, if a person can live without food for a month, without sleep for a week, and without breathing for several minutes, you can do without sex for an unlimited time.

Science does not know cases of premature death from lack of sex. Thus, the satisfaction of sexual needs is not a prerequisite for maintaining life. But will this life be full? There is a myth that making love is necessary "for health." Especially often women resort to this argument, justifying promiscuous sexual relations. Men are less concerned about their state of health, but they are confident that any need must be certainly satisfied. Is sex really that good? Not always. In many cases, having an intimate relationship is more harmful than good.

Sex is dangerous to health!

This is true, especially when it comes to regular change of partners, cheating and random relationships. In the process of intimate communication, skin, sexually transmitted and infectious diseases, including AIDS, are transmitted. In addition, such sexual behavior leads to unwanted pregnancies and abortions that deplete a woman's body, cause inflammation and infertility. According to German scientists, passionate and violent sex in adulthood and old age provokes hypertension and migraine. Random connections destroy the psyche and lead to depression. So the “benefits of sex” are greatly exaggerated, and a person who practices abstinence can be much healthier and stronger than someone who does not deny himself carnal pleasures.

So is sex good?

Italian scientists have found that heals and rejuvenates the body only regular, calm and measured sex with a regular partner, optimally with a spouse. In this case, the process of intimate communication must necessarily include foreplay, last at least half an hour and end with an orgasm in both a man and a woman. Of course, both partners must be healthy and be faithful to each other. Only under these conditions can sex really enhance immunity and intelligence, relieve stress and prolong life by 8-10 years.

Who and why refrains from sex?

Young couples under 30 make love on average 4-5 times a week. Then, the frequency of sexual intercourse gradually decreases to 2-3 times a week, and after 60 years - up to 1-2 times a month. However, some people for various reasons for a long time refrain from intimate relationships.

Monks and priests knowingly give up carnal pleasures in the name of serving God and people. Getting rid of this bodily dependence allows them to rise to a higher spiritual level, to establish special relationships with oneself and the world around them.

Soldiers, prisoners and long-distance sailors are forced to limit sexual intercourse due to the lack of partners of the opposite sex.

Androgynous and latent homosexuals can completely abandon intimate relationships due to unwillingness to conflict with society over their sexual addictions.

Asexuals are simply not sexually attracted. They express their feelings through affection, hugs and gentle touches, without needing sexual intercourse.

Some people for a long time refuse to have close relationships because of trauma, violence, painful separation from a partner experienced in the past. They have hostility and aversion to sexual intercourse, and sometimes even hatred of the opposite sex. In other cases, a woman loves a former or deceased lover so much that she is not even able to imagine an intimate relationship with someone else.

Abstain from sex and those who expect true love, not wanting to "exchange" for casual connections. Believers abstain for whom an intimate life is possible only in marriage. Workaholics who simply do not have time to look for a suitable partner, as well as adult children of autocratic parents who prevent them from arranging their personal lives by carefully “driving away” all the candidates, do without love joys. Men may not have close relationships for a long time due to social factors - lack of work, money, alcoholism.

Often, spouses with experience who have been married for many (and sometimes only a few) years cease to have sex, as intimate life over time becomes too fresh and monotonous, mutual feelings fade. And external communication does not allow them to establish moral principles or religious beliefs.

Thus, it can be argued that most people at one time or another in life abstain from intimate relationships. For some, due to the characteristics of the sexual constitution and the type of temperament, this is not a problem, they can safely do without sex for as long as they like and not even think about it. But how to be more passionate natures, for whom the rejection of carnal joys is a difficult test? Long abstinence can lead them to depression, neurosis, psychosis, inflammation of the pelvic organs, prostatitis, impotence, problems with orgasm, and the inability to continue to have a full sexual life.

How to survive abstinence

First of all, “loners” recommended masturbation. It is a complete substitute for sex, effectively relieves stress, prevents stagnation in the pelvis, the occurrence of neurosis, serves as a source of endorphins - hormones of happiness and pleasure. Self-satisfaction for women in the week of ovulation is especially important. Masturbation allows you to develop sensuality and better know your erogenous zones, which will be a good help in further relations with a partner. It will be nice to purchase intimate toys in special stores for adults.

Sport is also an excellent means of discharge and contributes to the production of endorphins no worse than sex. Chocolate and bananas will cheer you up, relieve depression.

During the period of abstinence, you can sublimate sexual energy and direct it to achieve impressive results in your work or career.

To preserve sensuality in the absence of a partner, sexologists recommend vocals, massage and dancing.

Observance of these simple rules will make life without sex full and harmonious, find inner balance. It is also easy to renew intimate relationships when such an opportunity and a real feeling appear.

Facts and Figures

18 times a day, a girl thinks about sex.

Regular sex activities improve memory. But only with a woman. Love is not affected by a man’s memory.

600 hours in life each of us spends on sex.

2-3 cups of coffee per day for a man is a positive dose that reduces the likelihood of erectile dysfunction.

Is the game worth the candle?

You will probably be surprised to find out that it is not men, but women who are experiencing the absence of sex that are actually more painful!

“The male body has a mechanism to prevent excessive sexual arousal. When a man has no sex for a long time, he just has a nighttime poll (involuntary ejaculation), after which there is some relief, ”explains psychologist-sexologist Valeria Eletskaya.

Unfortunately, such a “saving function” for the fair sex has not been conceived by nature.

“Of course, unpleasant symptoms most often appear only in those who are not satisfied with the fact of abstinence. If a person chose to abandon the relationship consciously, then this side of life will not bother him at all. But it’s worthwhile to understand that such harmony with oneself is extremely rare, ”the expert believes.

Back side

According to Valeria, physiologically, there are special differences between the forced (due to lack of relationship) and conscious abstinence is not. However, you should not be afraid that an unusual decrease in sexual activity can forever change your life.

Despite the fact that over time the desire will begin to fade, at the end of celibacy, the body's functions will immediately recover.

For this reason, sometimes some people arrange for themselves “fasting” periods without sex, during which you can, for example, go headlong into work or self-realization, spending all your energy on achieving career goals. A similar process is called sublimation.

All by herself

Of course, the process of redirecting vitality from one channel to another seems very entertaining and also highly effective.

That is why, in the absence of a regular intimate life, experts advise against heroism and, in case of an increase in the level of anxiety or other unpleasant symptoms, resort to masturbation at least from time to time. By the way, it is considered one of the tools for abstinence.

Agree, it is better to help yourself get rid of sexual stress on your own, rather than resort to the practice of random sex or even suffer from dissatisfaction.

However, experts insist that this is an absolutely normal process, which is useful for studying physiology and understanding your own needs.

In addition, even celebrities who have achieved significant success after abandoning relationships admit that they have sex toys in their arsenal and enjoy using them.

Denial for more

Despite the fact that in most cases it is impossible to completely overcome sexual desire, some religious teachings have established periods of abstinence.

“By following such instructions, a person can come to the so-called enlightenment or reconsider their views on life. However, some religious practices suggest that with the help of abstinence the couple will reach the so-called `` new level of love. '' In this case, the rejection of sex will be a kind of game, not asceticism, ”the sexologist believes.

They say that people who at least once engaged in tantric sex immediately become fans of it and receive much more satisfaction than from ordinary proximity.

“Tantra is more about lifestyle, about the ability to love yourself, loved ones and the whole world. It does not mean a complete rejection of sex in the usual form. Having mastered the practice, people begin to better understand themselves and their partner. In addition, tantric proximity has a psychotherapeutic effect - after it, the relationship of the couple always becomes more harmonious, ”says the creator of the school“ Energoshalosti.pro ”Lyubava Seryozhenkina.

“Tantra is most suitable for mature couples when the hormones have already“ played out ”and you want development and new sensations,” says the specialist.

The basis of tantric sex is the exchange of energy between partners. Therefore, it is not always during him that it comes to sex in the usual sense - sometimes, to achieve pleasure, just the right touches, hugs and tantric massage are enough.

“From tantric massage you can get much more buzz and orgasms than from intimacy. During it, the main work is not with the body (and especially not with its intimate parts), but with energy, ”says Nikolai Yunak, a leading practitioner of the Tantra in the Dark massage center.

According to experts, it is almost impossible to learn such practices on your own, especially without mastering the techniques of yoga and meditation. At first, it is best to contact a specialist who will help establish the process of energy exchange between partners and show a couple of effective techniques. Despite the unusual technique and the requirement of an interval between acts to replenish energy, tantric sex can improve the sexual life of any couple - or at least add new colors to it.

Do you believe their statements more ..)) hypocrites of all Russia and the world)

Oh, well enough already, the need for sex is greatly exaggerated. From sex there are only problems and sores, I do not need it. Orgasm is from masturbation.

As for me, I am very good without sex. Perfectly simple. And no need to replace it. I sympathize with those who do not. And who said that Pitt has no sex? He doesn’t want a relationship now, that’s understandable. And for sex, he can also invite a call girl, moreover, at an elite level, many salons present such a service in Hollywood, and it’s absolutely legal. And they won’t talk too much, income is more important. About Litvinova, too, everything is ambiguous, all sorts of rumors have been circulating for a long time.

I live without sex for a year and am absolutely happy. There is no normal guy, but I disdain casual ties, it is terribly disgusting. The gym helps me, there I throw out all the energy and become absolutely happy. It is terrible when women sleep indiscriminately with everyone.

What, generally without a relationship to live? You can not sleep indiscriminately, but only with some of the best .. And the only thing you can meet, beloved .. Or is it also terrible?

Yes, women suffer so much, they suffer from lack of sex, because sexual intercourse lasting 30-50 seconds (according to statistics, a man needs just so much to finish), the woman probably brings a dozen orgasms))))) visionaries

They are worn with this sex, everything is directly crazy. No problem to live without it if the person is not really so primitive and can not afford other entertainment. )))

What, generally without a relationship to live? You can not sleep indiscriminately, but only with some of the best .. And the only thing you can meet, beloved .. Or is it also terrible?

Yes, many women simply do not need sex, you experience much more pleasure from buying clothes, cosmetics, traveling and good food. I would completely abandon sex in exchange for money, which would be enough for old age.

I live without sex for a year and am absolutely happy. There is no normal guy, but I disdain casual ties, it is terribly disgusting. The gym helps me, there I throw out all the energy and become absolutely happy. It is terrible when women sleep indiscriminately with everyone.

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Feeling of emptiness

And in fact, is it natural to live without sex? Freud believed that withdrawal was unbearable. The founder of psychoanalysis was convinced that sexual attraction is a manifestation of innate psychic energy (libido). It guides our behavior - it causes excitement, which requires discharge. When it happens, we feel peace and pleasure.When for some reason this need cannot be satisfied, mental and physical discomfort arises, we feel anxiety and hopelessness. The struggle with our own sensuality is exhausting: by curbing our sexual impulses, a person spends too much vital energy on this process, so not many of us are capable of it from time to time.

After a difficult divorce, 39-year-old Nikolai has been practicing complete abstinence for five years now. He grins: “This is not so much a struggle as an annoying thought: I am missing something important, without which my male life is incomplete.” 32-year-old Svetlana has a different story: in her youth she experienced violence, after which she completely abandoned sex. She says with pain about her thirteen-year abstinence: “When I like a man, I immediately begin to feel my inferiority - as if I are losing contact with my own body. As a result, I close and avoid meeting a person I like. ”

Those who have suffered a trauma in the sexual sphere and for this reason abstinence abide, the famous French psychoanalyst Jean-David Nasio calls them “disappointed in sex”: “They no longer want to suffer. Their brain seems to make the body silent: the memory of the past takes precedence over the need for pleasure. " “If we manage to build the intimate side of the relationship without engaging in sexuality as such - expressing our feelings with words, gestures, gentle touches, switching unspent life (sexual) potential to work, sports, children, we find inner balance,” adds Inna Khamitova, family therapist. - But all the same, we unconsciously feel unrealized sexuality. We cannot change the situation and suffer from it, and then we humble ourselves. ”

Abstinence as a therapy

The time when the body is silent makes it possible to understand ourselves and understand what kind of person we want to see next to us - not only in bed, but also in life.

Trust your nature

Our need for physical intimacy depends on sexual constitution. Each person is free to determine the amount of sex that he needs.

Keep in touch with your body

In abstinence, it is important to maintain the integrity of your "I", in which the body occupies an important place. Dancing, massage, sports will help maintain sensuality.

Understand themselves

Some people choose abstinence themselves: the time when the body is silent, helps to understand itself, makes it possible to restore vitality after a painfully experienced separation. And it is always accompanied by work on oneself. “For the first two years, the very thought of intercourse was unbearable for me,” says 34-year-old Nadezhda, who has been chastity for eight years. - I thought a lot about my feelings, worked with a psychotherapist. Today, although I still live without a man, for me this is no longer a rejection of sex, but an expectation of a relationship that would suit me. ”

“Sex is often voluntarily refused by those who, due to life circumstances or personal characteristics, have long been unable to find a permanent partner, and temporary ones are not satisfied with them,” says sexologist Georgy Vvedensky.

38-year-old Olga has not been dating men for ten years. “I had a well-established sex life,” she says. “But one morning I looked at the one who was sleeping next to me, and realized that I was revealing the intimate secrets of my body to a man who did not know my past, my life, my soul. I broke up with him, telling myself that I would give everything to the next, or nothing. I. for ten years now - nothing. ” “Sometimes we ourselves set a very high standard in relations,” says gynecologist Elena Egorova, “we want the partner to be ideal.” Often our desire is associated with an unconscious need to reproduce relationships with our beloved father (for men - with our mother), which, of course, is impossible. In this case, the wait for the prince or princess may drag on for many years. " But that expectation, which Nadezhda and Olga talk about, is more likely an expectation of tenderness than actual sexual relations. “The need for sex and body contact are different concepts,” explains psychotherapist Adolf Harash. “So, on the female body there are many areas that do not know bodily contact, and it is they that can cause neurotic disorders even with regular sex.”

Unconscious ban

The 39-year-old Vladislav lives with his mother, spending almost all his free time with her. “Sex has not been in my life for a very long time,” he says. “But I do not suffer - apparently, I am so arranged.” 28-year-old Alena, like Vladislav, hurries home after work: “Sometimes a man seems good to me, but my mother seems to see him through and through - after talking with her, I notice his ugly features and do not want to talk to him anymore. Sex? He doesn’t interest me. ”

Those who refuse to make love can consider this decision to be their own and do not notice that in fact their mother made this choice for them, who did not want to share the attention of her son or daughter with anyone. “If a powerful, tough mother controls the life of an already adult son or daughter, she will most likely disapprove of any of their partners, including potential ones,” commented sexologist and psychoanalyst Boris Egorov. “In response to young men or women, deep-seated mechanisms of protection against sexual arousal may turn on: trying to calm the mother, they show her their asexuality.”

It’s harder for men

It is generally accepted that men more than women depend on their sexual desires. Talking about relationships in a couple, the latter, as a rule, emphasize the harmony of characters and the strength of feelings *. “It is somewhat easier for women to do without sex than men, since they have a broader palette for expressing their feelings,” says sexologist Sergei Agarkov. - For men, sex is the most important way to express their tenderness. If he is not there, they may feel left out. ” “From childhood, men are raised differently than women,” continues George Vvedensky. “The society easily accepts the frequent change of their intimate partners, and the sphere of sexual services for men around the world is many times greater than that oriented to the weaker sex.” Nevertheless, among men there are also many who live in abstinence.

The work of 42-year-old Andrey is connected with frequent trips. For the past six years he has been living without sex. “I have moments when sexual desire arises. In such cases, I resort to masturbation. But I never suffered from a lack of sex to the extent that I went to prostitutes. ” Andrew consciously decided to adapt to his abstinence. “I made love for a long time because it’s accepted. Now I do not care what is accepted and what is not. I know that sex is not an end in itself. It is important to know what I want from my life and what place I take sex in it. ”

Voluntary Vow of Celibacy

The nun and theologian, sister Lucy Lisheri, has long helped those who are about to take tonsure to figure out how much their desire to become nuns is.

Psychologies: How in monastic life manages to cope with the lack of sex?

Lucy Lishery's sister: The main question of celibacy is to answer my own question: am I - today - able to survive abstinence without pain, bitterness, bodily problems? The choice of abstinence is always influenced by unconscious motives. It may seem that this is not difficult for a person, but he may have problems in relationships, sometimes it comes to the loss of taste for life. Therefore, a sufficient number of ties should be made - professional, friendly - that can satisfy our need for emotional attachment.

So, is voluntary celibacy an eternal battle?

Yes and no. Yes - because over time, we are changing ourselves, the world around us is changing, and we have to constantly adapt to these changes. But not to a greater or lesser extent than during life together, during which we have to “choose” our partner again and again. And no, because every day you cannot start from scratch. There comes a time when a person begins to enjoy what he has.

Is there a debate about the permissibility of marriage for priests and pedophilia proceedings in the church related to sexual frustration?

Any conscientious psychotherapist or psychologist will say that sexual frustration has nothing to do with the manifestation of perversion. The disgusting manifestations of pedophilia are associated only with painful episodes of personal biographies.

In harmony with nature

“Once I participated in an online survey on the topic“ How often do you make love? ”Says 30-year-old Lada. - Almost everyone answered: twice a week, three, four ... I wrote the truth: my husband and I have sex once every two or three months, and both are happy with it. Against the general background, my answer looked strange. ”

“Sexuality is a pleasure that we get from our own body or from contact with another person’s body,” says Jean-David Nazio. “It can be heterosexual or homosexual, it can be self-satisfaction, but it is necessary for everyone.” It is also true that we may need it to varying degrees. Our sexual desire is influenced by eating habits, age, general condition of the body, and features of the sexual constitution. Some of us are often excited, while others have a much lower need for an intimate life. In some tribes of South Africa, men after sexual intercourse require recovery within three months - only after this time they desire again. Their women are calm about this situation. In the Western world, oddly enough, we rarely know and take into account the individual characteristics of our body. “It is not easy for people with a weak sexual constitution to withstand social pressure, which prescribes a much greater number of sexual acts than they need,” explains Georgy Vvedensky. “Therefore, they often refuse to have an intimate life at all.” Although the sexual constitution does not affect the quality of intimate life, Inna Khamitova clarifies. "When the partners are close and it is important for each of them to please the other, they will find a way to adapt to the rhythm and characteristics of each other."

Androgyne selection

Sometimes a person does not have sex simply because he cannot choose who to engage with. This is not due to the absence of a partner, but to our internal gender-role conflicts. “A small child does not feel like a boy or a girl from the beginning,” says sexologist Georgy Vvedensky. “He learns about who he is from his parents.” Then there is a differentiation according to the female or male psychosexual type. But when the parents treat the boy as a girl or vice versa, the child can form an androgynous type, in which there are both masculine and feminine principles. ” Having become an adult, such a person is in contradiction, because the sex prescribed by society, causes him rejection. And his own attraction, looking homosexual, is essentially heterosexual for him. “Making love with people of the opposite sex is not pleasant for him,” says Georgy Vvedensky. “But he also does not receive positive emotions from homosexual intercourse, as he knows that society does not encourage such relations.” And it’s easier for him to abandon sex in general than to oppose society. ”

Do not let the body freeze

Making love is not such a vital necessity as, say, food or breathing, but it is sexuality that helps us to feel the fullness of life. Therefore, it is so important to maintain the integrity of your "I", in which the body takes its rightful place. If abstinence is too prolonged, the body gradually hibernates. “At first, I masturbated,” says 41-year-old Olga. “But this lust for herself also faded over time.”

The longer abstinence lasts, the more time it takes to "return to duty." “Intimate life has several biological meanings,” continues Boris Yegorov. “This is a continuation of the family, and pleasure, and a physiological necessity, the meaning of which is that the whole organism, all its organs must function.” “Dancing, sports, and massage courses help maintain contact with your body,” said Elena Yegorova. “And if there are no religious prohibitions, you must allow yourself to masturbate in order to relieve stress and avoid stagnation of blood in the pelvic area.” Taking care of ourselves, we return to carnal joys more easily when the time comes.

One of the most important factors in restoring sexual life is our own desire to do so. The 39-year-old Marianne met her husband after six years of abstinence. “I expected this moment with fear, but my body itself found all those movements that, as it turned out, I did not think to forget. My desire for love drove away fear. ” “The return to sex is indeed often accomplished through real feeling,” concludes Jean-David Nazio. “It's like in a fairy tale about a sleeping beauty: life begins anew thanks to love.”

Watch the video: Abstinence Period (February 2020).